Validation Over the xmas season I conversed via facebook messenger, with my cousin Tina in England. She sent me a lovely silver bracelet engraved with the words, "Love without limits, Dream without fear". In our conversations she mentioned that her mother (my aunt Mary whom I've mentioned) always worried about me. She said her mom (knowing she could get away with it 'cos she was the favourite sister) even told my mother off a couple of times with regards to the way she treated me. She also told me that when she and her first husband emmigrated to Canada and were living with us, they too witnessed my mothers treatment of me. And it was the reason they moved out. They couldn't bare to be around it. Self Nurturing/Nourishing This week at the trauma group (week 4) the topic was self nourishing. I'm having difficulty with the concept of self nourishing/nurturing. Different people mentioned different things but the things people lis
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Showing posts from January, 2020
New Years Resolutions .... No Thanks! I'm not one for making resolutions as i vew them as failures waiting to happen. But the New Year brings the topic of resolutions and 'being a better you' to almost every talk show. Expert after expert touting the various ways to take charge of one's life, diet, relationships, finances, etc. And they all make it sound so simple. Buy this book. Try this diet. Follow this life plan. Just make the decision and as Nike says, Just Do It! Today I realized that these plans/recommendations are geared towards normal people who are not paralyzed by anxiety and/or depression. They sound inspirational to normal folks but to me they make me feel even more depressed because they seem unachieveable. Perhaps they are easy and achieveable for people not struggling with mental illness but I find these prognostics to be triggers to a downward spiral of hopelessness. Trauma Group Week 3 Trauma group last week (week 2 for
Rocketman I watched the movie Rocketman last night. It's about Elton Johns life. What really struck me about the story was that despite the talent and the fame and fortune, Elton John was a broken child inside. He carried a burden of childhood trauma that led him to drugs and booze addictions. At one point he is sitting in a drunken state and kudos to the actor, you could "feel" his despair. As I looked at that face and saw the pain behind it I felt like I was looking at myself (minus the addictions). I felt my own pain well up. The success and adulation of millions of fans didn't erase the emotional pain of this superstar. I'd had a major meltdown yesterday and was still quite emotionally raw so that's probably why I felt so connected to this character. The movie ends with Elton having gone through therapy for his addictions, and saying to his parents (in his mind), "I'm not going to allow you to speak to me that way anymore&q
New Years Eve 2019 /2020 I slept for FIVE HOURS in a row!!!! Okay it was 4hrs and 57 minutes but that's splitting hairs. I haven't slept that long in years!!!! I looked at the clock at 4:01am and woke up at 8:58am Reinforcement Of The Wrong Kind ..... The other day someone sent me a text asking me if I'd heard of a certain website where employers post job openings, and with the suggestion, "you might want to check it out". Excuse me? Why might I want to check it out? I have a job. I may not be able to work many hours/days at the moment, but I have a job that will allow me to ease back into more hours as I'm able. And a job that pays enough per hour to accommodate my limitations. It's the limitations my mental state puts on me that determines how much I can work and thus, my income. People forget that I have a full time job at home just caring for the animals on the farm. Property maintenance is currently non-existent! I