New Years Resolutions .... No Thanks!
I'm not one for making resolutions as i vew them as failures waiting to happen. But the New Year brings the topic of resolutions and 'being a better you' to almost every talk show. Expert after expert touting the various ways to take charge of one's life, diet, relationships, finances, etc. And they all make it sound so simple. Buy this book. Try this diet. Follow this life plan. Just make the decision and as Nike says, Just Do It!
Today I realized that these plans/recommendations are geared towards normal people who are not paralyzed by anxiety and/or depression. They sound inspirational to normal folks but to me they make me feel even more depressed because they seem unachieveable.
Perhaps they are easy and achieveable for people not struggling with mental illness but I find these prognostics to be triggers to a downward spiral of hopelessness.
Trauma Group Week 3
Trauma group last week (week 2 for me but week 3 in reality as I missed week one) talked about boundaries. Emotional and physical. Contexts etc. Boundaries that we already have established. Why we have them. How rigid are they. Are they valid. Should they be re-visited/more flexible. Also boundaries that we haven't established. And why we haven't established them. And do we need to establish boundaries.
I realize I have some rigid boundaries. Those surrounding the secret. The physical boundaries of the phobia. And also around people not knowing about that branch of my trauma history. But at the same time I've been told that i need to set boundaries. People walk all over me. They know they can intimidate me into compliance because I don't like confrontation. In reflecting on this subject I became aware of the 'past history, past learning' that has orchestrated my inability to set boundaries. As a child I wasn't afforded the priviledge of boundaries. My mother could do anything, anywhere, anytime and as children we had no recourse. Manipulation and coercion were 'normal'. I realize that deep down I've been conditioned to believe that I'm not entitled to boundaries. I wasn't entitled to boundaries growing up. We weren't even allowed to keep our bedroom doors closed. There was no respect for feelings or privacy. Boundaries just didn't exist. Except for the adults.
The Student Sat In .....
After the group I had my regular session and Sean asked if a student could sit in. I can't remember her name. I forgot within thirty seconds of being introduced. She was nice and it was okay, but then we weren't talking about anything super personal. We talked about boundaries and I brought up my thoughts about trigger stacking.
Trigger Stacking
When working with dogs who are anxious, fearful, and reactive, trigger stacking is an important thing of which to be aware. And in many cases people are not aware of trigger stacking and I hear comments such as, "he was doing so well and then he lost it out of the blue." Well it might seem that way but what has probably happened is trigger stacking. Let's say we have a reactive and movement stressed dog out on a walk. He encounters another dog and looks to his handler, "got chicken?"; good dog ... he didn't react. A little later in his walk he sees another dog and once again focuses on his handler .... no reaction. He's doing really well! Next a skateboarder whizzes by and the dog flinches but manages to focus on his hanlder, "got chicken?", but takes the food with a harder mouth which is an indication that his stress is up. Suddenly a jogger goes by and the dog loses it and blows up barking and lunging. Owner says, "but he was doing so well". What we fail to recognize is that even if the dog doesn't overtly react to the trigger, it's still a trigger, and it's still spiking his adrenaline and cortisol levels. While he may be managing his behaviour in the face of the trigger , he is still being affected by it. And by the time he gets to the fourth trigger, he loses it. Each trigger brings him closer to a meltdown. While one trigger on its own might not provoke a reaction, multiple triggers one after the other, will bring the dog to a breaking point where he will go over threshold.
So this got me thinking about trigger stacking in humans. We know it happens ..... wake up late, spill coffee, get cut off in traffic, can't find parking space and then when you get into work you snap at the first person who speaks to you. We know about trigger stacking when it comes to frustration and anger. But what about these emotional breakdowns that I've been experiencing. Perhaps there's some trigger stacking going on. Sean says try to figure out what I was thinking right before I break down crying. Sometimes I know but other times I really don't . So this brought me to my trigger stacking pondering. I wonder if in the same way that the dog owner doesn't recognize the triggers that don't cause an emotional outburst in their dogs, if perhaps the same thing could be happening with me? Am I experiencing emotional triggers that I'm not noticing because they don't evoke a strong enough reaction? Could trigger stacking be happening to bring me to those points of emotional meltdowns where I just don't know why I'm crying? And if I were able to become aware of the cluster of triggers leading to a meltdown, what can I do? Sean suggested that if I can identify the triggers when they present themselves, I could engage in a grounding exercise to address that particular emotional mugging.
I'm not one for making resolutions as i vew them as failures waiting to happen. But the New Year brings the topic of resolutions and 'being a better you' to almost every talk show. Expert after expert touting the various ways to take charge of one's life, diet, relationships, finances, etc. And they all make it sound so simple. Buy this book. Try this diet. Follow this life plan. Just make the decision and as Nike says, Just Do It!
Today I realized that these plans/recommendations are geared towards normal people who are not paralyzed by anxiety and/or depression. They sound inspirational to normal folks but to me they make me feel even more depressed because they seem unachieveable.
Perhaps they are easy and achieveable for people not struggling with mental illness but I find these prognostics to be triggers to a downward spiral of hopelessness.
Trauma Group Week 3
Trauma group last week (week 2 for me but week 3 in reality as I missed week one) talked about boundaries. Emotional and physical. Contexts etc. Boundaries that we already have established. Why we have them. How rigid are they. Are they valid. Should they be re-visited/more flexible. Also boundaries that we haven't established. And why we haven't established them. And do we need to establish boundaries.
I realize I have some rigid boundaries. Those surrounding the secret. The physical boundaries of the phobia. And also around people not knowing about that branch of my trauma history. But at the same time I've been told that i need to set boundaries. People walk all over me. They know they can intimidate me into compliance because I don't like confrontation. In reflecting on this subject I became aware of the 'past history, past learning' that has orchestrated my inability to set boundaries. As a child I wasn't afforded the priviledge of boundaries. My mother could do anything, anywhere, anytime and as children we had no recourse. Manipulation and coercion were 'normal'. I realize that deep down I've been conditioned to believe that I'm not entitled to boundaries. I wasn't entitled to boundaries growing up. We weren't even allowed to keep our bedroom doors closed. There was no respect for feelings or privacy. Boundaries just didn't exist. Except for the adults.
The Student Sat In .....
After the group I had my regular session and Sean asked if a student could sit in. I can't remember her name. I forgot within thirty seconds of being introduced. She was nice and it was okay, but then we weren't talking about anything super personal. We talked about boundaries and I brought up my thoughts about trigger stacking.
Trigger Stacking
When working with dogs who are anxious, fearful, and reactive, trigger stacking is an important thing of which to be aware. And in many cases people are not aware of trigger stacking and I hear comments such as, "he was doing so well and then he lost it out of the blue." Well it might seem that way but what has probably happened is trigger stacking. Let's say we have a reactive and movement stressed dog out on a walk. He encounters another dog and looks to his handler, "got chicken?"; good dog ... he didn't react. A little later in his walk he sees another dog and once again focuses on his handler .... no reaction. He's doing really well! Next a skateboarder whizzes by and the dog flinches but manages to focus on his hanlder, "got chicken?", but takes the food with a harder mouth which is an indication that his stress is up. Suddenly a jogger goes by and the dog loses it and blows up barking and lunging. Owner says, "but he was doing so well". What we fail to recognize is that even if the dog doesn't overtly react to the trigger, it's still a trigger, and it's still spiking his adrenaline and cortisol levels. While he may be managing his behaviour in the face of the trigger , he is still being affected by it. And by the time he gets to the fourth trigger, he loses it. Each trigger brings him closer to a meltdown. While one trigger on its own might not provoke a reaction, multiple triggers one after the other, will bring the dog to a breaking point where he will go over threshold.
So this got me thinking about trigger stacking in humans. We know it happens ..... wake up late, spill coffee, get cut off in traffic, can't find parking space and then when you get into work you snap at the first person who speaks to you. We know about trigger stacking when it comes to frustration and anger. But what about these emotional breakdowns that I've been experiencing. Perhaps there's some trigger stacking going on. Sean says try to figure out what I was thinking right before I break down crying. Sometimes I know but other times I really don't . So this brought me to my trigger stacking pondering. I wonder if in the same way that the dog owner doesn't recognize the triggers that don't cause an emotional outburst in their dogs, if perhaps the same thing could be happening with me? Am I experiencing emotional triggers that I'm not noticing because they don't evoke a strong enough reaction? Could trigger stacking be happening to bring me to those points of emotional meltdowns where I just don't know why I'm crying? And if I were able to become aware of the cluster of triggers leading to a meltdown, what can I do? Sean suggested that if I can identify the triggers when they present themselves, I could engage in a grounding exercise to address that particular emotional mugging.
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