Anxiety My anxiety is really high again today. A couple of days ago I got some paperwork about a credit card wanting to take me to small claims court for the balance I owe them. Of course, my instant reaction to everything is fear. I’ve talked to these people time and again and they do not listen. I paid credit card protection insurance for years. It was sold to me on the pretense that “if ever something should happen in life and you should lose most or all of your income and are unable to pay the credit card bills, the insurance covers you.” But when exactly that happened, and I called them, I was told, “oh no the insurance only covers you for death or dismemberment”. A second representative told me to make a claim to the insurance under disability (for mental health, as I was at the beginning of this journey). I sent in the forms and was ignored. Anytime I have a little extra money I’ve paid a small amount to the credit card. And I’ve
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Showing posts from May, 2021
That Old Feeling ……. That old feeling of, “I’ll never be loved”, has been haunting me recently. The feeling of loneliness and being ‘alone’ is at the forefront of my thoughts the last little while. I know I’ve said/written it before, but I feel like I’m too old and it’s too late for me to ever know love. My parents never told me they loved me. My dad only mentioned it in the last year of his life. But I grew up never being told I was loved. And even in relationships, I wasn’t told I was loved. And one of my core beliefs is that I’m unloveable. I read an article the other day that shattered me completely and sent me into a deep chasm of sadness. The article, written by a psychologist, said that in order to have someone love you, you have to first love yourself, because if you don’t love yourself you don’t have the capacity to love someone else. So that’s it for me. I’ll always be alone and unloved. Because I don’t love myself. I don’t even know w