Assertiveness

Another part of what is getting me down is my uncomfortableness (is that a word?) with being assertive.   And these jobs are forcing my hand in that department.   I’m needing to be assertive but I’m so unfamiliar with what that feels like, that I feel like I’m being bitchy.   I’m not being bitchy.   And I hope that I’m not sounding bitchy.  I’m just not accustomed to standing up for myself and I’m so worried about offending people, that I’m second guessing myself and questioning the advisability of being assertive.   I know being assertive is necessary, but it feels so uncomfortable.

 

Really Bad Day

The worst part about feeling like this is not understanding why I feel like this.    I spent the better part of today trying to fight back tears and now I can't hold them back any longer.   It's probably a good thing to cry instead of holding the tears back.  I don't know.

I want to go out but I don’t want to do anything.

I want to get dressed but  I don’t want to get dressed

I want to eat but I can’t force myself to cook anything.

I want to take care of my animals but I can’t take care of my animals.

There’s so many things I need to do but I can’t seem to do any of them.

I feel like I’m drowning.