Neuroplasticity and Self Compassion

….. that was the topic of our group discussion today.   Let me see if I can decipher my notes.

The brain will change in response to what we do.   It’s not a flaw in us.   It’s a response to the environment,  based on past learning and what our brain has learned in order to cope with different situations.

Through this trauma therapy we have been learning new skill sets.   Namely,  self compassion and awareness.   There are three levels of learning.   Cognitive.  Emotional. And Automatic – process.   The brain changes for each type of learning.   Builds new pathways.

If the learning is easy we’re not changing our brain.   If therapy is easy we’re not doing our job.  If therapy is hard, we are doing our job.    It has to be hard in order for the brain to make changes.  Take for example, working out at the gym.   If you always lift light/easy weights, you will see no change in your muscle development.    But if you lift hard (aka heavier) weights,  you will see change.

Trauma therapy is hard because we are working against prior learning.

 

Mantra’s

We’ve been talking about mantra’s in our trauma group.   We’ve been challenged to create a personal mantra that acknowledges we’re doing our best.  Something that tells us we’re seen and heard.   Permission to feel what we feel.   To acknowledge that therapy is hard and we need self compassion.   A mantra that will help to push us through.

I’m finding this to be a very difficult assignment.  Core beliefs are pushing back against any attempt to come up with a positive mantra.   Part of the struggle with complex trauma is that we were put in situations that made us learn to cope  (and formed our core beliefs).   The environment shaped our experiences and responses.  Part of self compassion is acknowledging that our environment was hurtful and damaging and we responded appropriately.   We had a normal reaction to an abnormal situation.

Cognitively I understand this.  The words make sense.   But emotionally I feel paralyzed.   I feel small and fragile.   Insignificant.  And the core beliefs are screaming loudly in my head,  fighting for their survival.    As I try to come up with a mantra I feel like I’m trying to sell myself a lie.   I tell myself I’m worthy and the core beliefs shout back,  “that’s a lie!”.   I tell myself I deserve to be loved and the core beliefs yell,  “that’s a lie!”

Sean says the mantra can’t be too strong a contrast to the core belief.    That would be too great a leap.   For example,  I’m lovable even  though I feel unlovable.   Because core beliefs are so deeply ingrained,  that statement is trying to convince me to believe a lie.   The lie being I’m lovable,  because core beliefs have me convinced that I’m not.   So how can I ease myself towards embracing the thought that I might be lovable?    I remember Sean suggesting some time ago,  a statement such as,   “I feel unlovable, but sometimes people care about me”.    The latter statement triggering memories of times when people were kind and caring.

Now if I could just come up with a mantra …… {sigh}

 

Hijacked By Emotions

I love Brene Brown and have read most of her books as well as listened to many of her talks on youtube.    Just yesterday I was watching one of her talks and she was speaking about how we get hijacked by our emotions.   How something will trigger a really strong emotional response that will usurp our ability to think clearly.    She said when emotion is driving,  thought and reason are not riding shotgun ….. they’re not even in the back seat …. they’re stuffed way back in the trunk.   Our brains come up with a  ‘story’.   We have one or two limited data points and we fill the rest in with fear.    We fall victim to a conspiracy created by our own fears.   Boy do I know how that goes!!!    She says when we are in the moment when something happens and emotion is in the drivers seat,  we need to take a step back and ask ourselves,  “what’s actually going on here?”

She says the key to not being hijacked by our emotions is to recognize that we’ve been snagged and get curious.   Notice that emotion is driving the bus and ask questions.   What am I feeling versus what do I know for sure about what is going on.