Threat Of Violence Growing up I was always afraid of getting in trouble. I’ve always said I don’t I know why I was so afraid or what specifically I was afraid of. I’ve always said my parents didn’t hit me and I didn’t remember anything that might have instilled a threat of violence. But I recently remembered two incidents in which that was not so. I remember an incident when my sister and I were little girls, maybe six and ten years old. We were arguing over a toy and my dad lost his temper and stormed up the stairs and snatched the toy from us and smashed it, saying, “now no one gets it!”. I think it was the only time I saw my father behave violently. But I must have known there was a temper lurking under the surface because I was afraid before that. Perhaps it was verbal threats? If ever I was on the verge of crying or being upset he’d say, “wipe that look of your face or I’ll wipe it off for you”. And, “stop that crying or I’ll give you so
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Boundaries This entry might also be a bit choppy as I copy out notes made during therapy sessions. What do we do when someone doesn’t respect our boundary? When someone pushes a boundary, repeat it with more intensity of tone. No need to be snide but simply a more authoritative statement of your position. People often don’t learn from the first statement of your boundary. You an also re-phrase your boundary as a question, “what did I say?” Some of us are people pleasers. We don’t want to disappoint people. We make the mistake of letting our empathy make us think that other people are like us. We seek the approval of others in order to feel worthy. Goal = to feel empowered and protected by own selves Beware of people who take advantage of our tendency to be compliant in order to get their way. Hierarchy of Power · if someone has power over me, I don’t feel safe · If someone has power over me and takes advantage and hur
Therapy Notes and Thoughts How do thoughts and emotions affect how we react to things? Where is my skill when I need it? (assertiveness) In dog training we teach dogs the skills they need to navigate different situations ‘outside’ of those situations. We don’t expect them to leant the skill while in the midst of a stressful or arousing event. As I tell my students, you don’t teach kids a fire drill when the school is on fire. We train ‘for’ a situation, not ‘in’ a situation. But how do I train my needed skill of assertiveness when outside of a situation where assertiveness is needed? I’m really not sure. The cortex is the part of the brain with explicit ability to learn. Stored in the cortex is episodic memory. Episodic memory is auto biographical. The part of the brain that turns off (brain freeze) when stressed is the sub-cortex. Under duress it tells us ‘do what you did last time’. For me that equals backdown and avoid conflict.