Family Day 2021

It’s February 15^th today.   A holiday Monday.   Family Day.   What a cruel twist of fate to have Valentines Day and Family Day back to back.  Two holidays that embrace love, connection, family, and togetherness, that also serve to remind those of us who hold no special place in anyone’s heart, just how alone we are.

It’s 5pm and I’ve spent the entire day in the recliner, huddled under a comforter,  cat napping.   Since I don’t have a bedroom or a bed,  I sleep in the recliner.   So it’s accurate to say that I haven’t gotten up yet,  other than bathroom breaks and to make a cup of tea   The dogs are content to snooze all day and make no demands of me.   I really do need to get up but I have no desire to do so.   The dogs and cats need supper.  The barn critters need hay.   And I should probably eat.   But all I want to do is lay here and rest.  In an effort not to feel guilty for being lazy, I’m telling myself that perhaps I need thes day of nothing.  A day of rest.

 

Finally Got Up

I finally managed to get up at around 5pm.  Got all the critters fed and brought four large jugs of water in from the car.   I felt sort of weak and chores seemed to take a lot out of me.   And I can hear my heart pounding in my ears.  I think I read somewhere that that is a bad sign.   Maybe I’m dying.   Wouldn’t that suck?   To die before finding happiness.  Before making it to the end of this journey through trauma.   Mind you it might lso have been low blood sugar as I hadn’t eaten all day, save for a butter tart.

After feeding the animals I decided to make myself a decent meal.  Chicken breast, small potato, half cup of peas, and stuffing.   It was too much  I couldn’t get through it all.   I ended up giving most of the chicken to Biddy, my senior border collie.  She’s fifteen and having trouble holding weight so I give her extra treats and table scraps.

I went online briefly to confirm that we are back to work tomorrow.  The lockdown has been lifted and the dog school reopening.  Registration isn’t great due to the pandemic having everyone in a state of flux.

It’s 9pm now and I’m back in the recliner;  sharing it with Petunia the pig,  Gunner and Gucci  (dogs), and Cheddar the cat.  I have a cup of tea and will watch tv for awhile.

 

Tempted To Lay Down And Die

It snowed quite heavily overnight so I went out early  this afternoon to assess the driveway.  It looked like I  could drive through the snow despite it’s depth.  I thought I could drive up and down a few times to pack down a pathway.  I didn’t have the money to hire someone to come and plow me out.  I got down the drive okay but got stuck about three quarters of the way back up.  “Great!”, I thought,  “first day back to work and I won’t be able to get there”.     I called my neighbour to see if he could come over with his truck or tractor and drive up and down to clear the way.   While waiting for him I  started shoveling and quickly became quite exhausted.  And at one point I thought,  ‘I could just lie down and fall asleep and likely freeze to death’.   It was actually a mild day, and that made the notion of just lying down in the snow more plausible.  I entertained the idea for a few minutes while leaning on my shovel for support.  I wanted to lie down and just give up.  My neighbour managed to pack the driveway down with his truck and help me get my car unstuck.   My final thought was,   ‘I’m getting too old for this shit!’

I loathe winter!

 

Back To Work

Tonight was the first night back to work.  I had two classes with pretty good attendance.  It was good to get back and see everyone again.   Of course,  covid protocols were in effect and masks worn by all.   My puppy class was made up of the most adorable group of puppies who lifted my spirits just being around them.    After my classes I  sat and chatted with co-workers for an hour.  Just catching up and discussing thoughts for expanding our business.   So three hours of being out and around people.  It was about 11pm when I got home ,  and after letting the dogs out and making a cup of tea,  I sat down to watch  television with Petunia the pig, and a couple of cats sharing my chair.   Fell asleep and woke up at 3:45am feeling very disoriented.   I put Petunia to bed and crawled back under my comforter and went back to sleep..  I woke up a couple of times during the night as is normal for me, the last time being at 8:30am.    I close my eyes for a few moments and when next I opened them I was surprised to find it was 11:4am!  Wow!  I really slept.  My energy is completely depleted today.  How can three hours of work and socializing drain me so?   Mind you the snow shoveling earlier in the day might also have contributed.   Either way, I’m physically and mentally exhausted today.

 

Brian Had A Baby

I was just looking at my guinea pig, Ziggy, and thinking I should give her a bedtime treat  That thought triggered the memory of a youtube video I saw on facebook the other day.  A British couple with  a garden full of  guinea pigs.  There must have been at least fifty.   It was their suppertime and they all came running when the lady called to them, and then went scurrying into their building, which was quite impressive with multiple levels and ramps, and tunnels, and beds.   The husband wheeled a barrow full of veggies and the piggies were so excited.   Ziggy had a sister but she passed away and now Ziggy is a lone piggy .   I hope she’s not lonely.  She is in the living room so in the centre of all the activity in the house.  And I make a point of giving her a lot of attention and special treats.   But I digress …….

Thinking of Ziggy’s bedtime treat triggered the memory of the British piggies and that triggered the memory of ‘Brian’,  a guinea pig from my childhood.

We had visited my mother’s cousin in Ottawa  whose children’s guinea pigs had had babies.   My sister and I talked my mother into letting us adopt one of them.   We were assured it was a boy and we named him Brian.   He was black and white in colour.  A few weeks went by and one day when my sister and I were checking on Brian to feed him and clean his cage,  which was in the basement laundry room because my mother didn’t want an animal where she could see it, we noticed something was amiss.  There were two guinea pigs!   My mother heard us giggling and fussing with excitement and called down to us,  “what’s going on down there?”      Hmmm …. How do we break this news?   We went upstairs and I remember my sister very furtively saying,  “Brian had a baby”.   This memory makes me smile.   It was a funny event.   Brian had a baby.   LOL.