Down In The Dumps Again

Feeling a bit down in the dumps again today … {sigh}    I’m not 100% sure why.   Our ongoing homework from trauma group is to try to figure out where our feelings are coming from.  What is triggering what we are feeling.   At least I think that’s what we’re supposed to be doing.   Trouble is, I can’t really identify the exact emotion I’m feeling.  Despondency?    I feel tired and without motivation.   Without the energy to function.  Chores are feeling more challenging.   I want to spend the entire day doing nothing … just cat napping.  But I can’t do that and that leads me to resent having to do the things that need to get done.     It’s 3pm and I haven’t eaten yet today.   I look in the fridge and there is nothing that appeals to me.   I can’t be bothered to eat.  It’s too much work.  Just the effort of thinking of what I might want to eat is too draining.   Will I ever be normal?  Will I ever feel happy or even just not like this?   Sometimes I feel like I’m just biding time waiting to die.

Today I’m piddling away the day sitting here at the computer surfing the net, checking and re-checking email and facebook.    And even though I can recognize that I’m piddling away the day,  I lack the ability to do anything about it.   I’m stuck in a behavioural loop.   On days like this my googling takes me to articles and TED Talks about healing from PTSD, trauma,  grief,  abuse,  etc.     Today I read an article that mentioned Emotional Freedom Technique  (EFT).   And I remembered I’ve heard of this before.   It was many years ago at a workshop about reiki energy healing for dogs.   As I recall, even though it was called “emotional” freedom technique,  the instructor postulated that the technique was also useful for helping to alleviate physical pain.   (it was NOT suggested to be a substitute for traditional medicine but as an adjunct to it)    If I recall correctly,  EFT is a process of tapping on meridian points on the body so as to release energy blockages that cause negative emotions  (or pain).   EFT has you tap top of your head, inside of eyebrows,  under eyes,  sides of eyes, under nose,  chin, collar bone, and under arms,  while reciting a specific phrase that targets either an emotion or a pain you are experiencing.   I think the phrase is to be something like,  “Even though I’m feeling [ insert emotion here],  I fully accept and love myself” …. or something like that.  And you repeat the phrase as you tap on the meridians.   EFT is considered an alternative or complimentary treatment to conventional medicine and mental health modalities.  Some research indicates that it might be effective while other investigations consider it bunk.   Whether real or bunk  as far as ‘healing’ is concerned,  what I glean is that at the very least the EFT practice promotes mindfulness,  bringing attention to the emotion,  and re-affirming acceptance of oneself.   And isn’t that what we are learning in the trauma group?   Not the tapping,  but the process of being aware of emotions,  identifying them,  practicing mindfulness,  and accepting ourselves.   Does tapping help the process?   I don’t know.   But maybe I’ll give it a try.