Grief and Losses

My Uncle Danny in Australia died on Saturday. He was 92. I don't think there was a crisis incident leading up to his death, but his family were able to visit with him at the nursing home that morning. I'm not sure if they knew his demise was imminent. He passed away that afternoon.

On Monday I was chatting with a co-worker and somehow our conversation found its way to talking about the last days of our parents lives. Her mother passed away about two months prior to my father. When her mother was admitted to hospital they didn't expect that she was going to pass away. Her father was called to come into the hospital at 2am one night, and when he got there he was informed that his wife had passed away. This kind of paralleled with my dads story. We (he and I) were not expecting him to die anytime soon. He was waiting for placement in long term care and we were talking in terms of day trips last summer. I was sure he had a few more years left. But then he contracted and upper respiratory infection. But still, I thought it was something from which he would recover, because we'd been down that road before. When I saw him that Monday afternoon, I did not know it would be the last time that I saw him. He died early Tuesday morning.

Also on Monday, one of my students shared a terrible trauma experienced by her family. On July 29^th she and her friends were at a lake and playing in the water with the dog, when her sister fell off the sandbar into deep water, and unable to swim, she started to drown. Their room-mate jumped into action to save the girl and in so doing, he drowned. The girl was saved but the room-mate drowned. How unbelievably tragic. All I could say was, “I'm so sorry”. There were no other words. Due to covid 19 and social distancing, I couldn't even offer a hug of support.

Last night I was driving into Toronto to pick up some dog food when all of a sudden the last day of my dads life began to re-play in my mind like a movie. It was like re-living the event. And a wave of sadness swept over me and I started to cry. It took me by surprise to feel such a strong emotion after 18mths. Perhaps, I thought, there's been some trigger stacking …. Uncle Danny passing + chatting about parents dying + my students tragic loss. “Yes that must be it”, I told myself as I pushed away the emotion and turned up the radio.

Today I become unhinged when viewing a video tribute my cousin Siobhan made in memory of her father. Photo's of his life through the years, with the song 'Danny Boy' playing in the background. Nearing the end of the video, my father appeared in a couple of photos …... looking healthy … not too long before his health really went into decline. And I felt the sting of the loss all over again. And thought, “ I guess this means I'm not over it yet.” And of course, that led to thoughts of my mother dying, and how I don't remember feeling the same sense of loss. And that led to feeling guilty for not feeling a profound sense of loss. It feels wrong.