Taking Care Of Me

I think this is what they call “self nurturing”. I've become a little obsessed with not gaining weight during this 'stay at home' time. Truth be told, I'd like to lose some. I've been trying to keep track of what I'm eating. Not dieting. But keeping a daily log so I know what I've had and can manage/plan healthier, better balanced meals. Eating more slowly. Smaller portions. Less junk. But not depriving myself. If I want a dessert , I'll have a dessert and adjust for it with the next meal or the next day. I've also started walking to the mailbox rather than getting the mail when I'm driving out. The driveway is 400ft long and on an incline. Downhill to the road and uphill back to the house.

This past week I also started to learn Tai Chi. I've been intrigued and thought of learning Tai Chi for many years and had an instructional DVD that I'd never watched. This week I dug it out and started to learn the moves. There are nine moves in this beginner program and so far I've learned three. Now that I know three moves without the need to follow along with the video, I will learn the fourth move. And when I can do four moves without instruction, I'll learn the fifth move, and so on.

The last thing I started this week was the beginner exercise routine with my Abdoer Twist exercise machine (not sure machine is the right word but not sure what the right descriptive word is). I bought this piece of exercise equipment about ten years ago and it's been sitting in the box unopened this entire time. I bought it because it's “knee” friendly and looked fairly easy for a body that finds many traditional exercises prohibitive. I never unpacked or used it because I had nowhere to set it up where I could work out privately. My dad wouldn't have been critical but in an attempt to be supportive he would have asked, 'how is it going?', 'are you noticing any benefit?', 'did you use your machine today?'. And that would have made me feel pressured and judged. So the equipment sat in the box for ten years! I thought about selling it a few times over the years but always changed my mind. So this past week I finally unpacked and put it together and started doing the beginner level workout. Once this level becomes easier, I will move on to the intermediate level and hopefully be able to progress to the advanced level workout. I'm taking my time. I'm not putting any pressure on myself.

Lots of people have been posting on social media about how they are gaining weight from boredom eating while at home and out of work. I really don't want to become one of that statistic. Today was a rough day of fighting the urge to eat just for the sake of it. I wasn't hungry and didn't have a specific craving but just felt like eating. It took all of my willpower not to give in to the temptation. Had to keep reminding myself, “you're not hungry .... you don't NEED food.” I won. Temptation lost. Yay me!

Peace

I'm not sure if it's from the grounding and feeling of being centered that Tai Chi provides, but a few times this week I've had a sense of peace. On a warm day I sat outside and did nothing but listen to the birds and nature sounds ..... and it felt peaceful. One morning when I woke up, everyone was quiet, and it felt peaceful. Another afternoon I had the tv muted, the dogs were dozing, the cats were comatose, the pig was passed out at my feet, and the only sound was the sound of the fan blowing. And it felt peaceful.

I haven't had any boarding dogs since March break due to the pandemic shutdowns, so it's just been me and my own dogs here at home. And I realized that my 'pack' (for lack of a better term) seems more at ease. They're into a groove. And it feels peaceful. Even the chaos that sometimes ensues feels like a more peaceful chaos. My dogs have taken a back seat to client dogs and rescue/foster dogs for a long time. But now they have me all to themselves. They're getting more house time because I'm not juggling guest dogs into the mix. And they seem content. At times like right now as I type, the house is quiet. Peaceful.

Sean asked me today when was the last time I felt this way and I when I thought about it I realized that I don't think I've ever had that sense of peace. That space in time when the mind is quiet, the body is relaxed, the environment is quiet, and the feeling is peace. It's a new feeling.