Pandemic Days

I saw a meme on facebook that said: We're turning into our dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We're told NO! if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited at the prospect of a car ride. 

Yup!

Insecurities

I started working on my online dog training programs. I taped lessons one and two of Real Life Skills and lesson one of Deaf Dog Life Skills. And did outlines for nosework, tricks, reactive dog, and backyard agility programs. I was feeling accomplished. And then I saw a post on facebook criticizing a very well known and well respected trainer, and it triggered all my insecurities. My upward swing of momentum took a nose dive. My fear of not being good enough engulfed my psyche. What if people don't like my programs? What if peers diss my programs? Do I really want to risk being 'seen'? Risk being criticized . Risk being rejected. Ah .... there's that word again . Rejection. Seems I'm not only afraid of personal rejection, I'm also afraid of professional rejection. The 'not good enough' gremlins are chasing me. It's been a very unproductive week. I need to get back on track.

“You're Too Sensitive”

I've always been labeled as over sensitive and been led to consider it a character flaw. Indeed it's been a belief instilled in me since childhood. In the course of my lifetime I've been told “you're too sensitive” tens of thousands of times. And I am sensitive. I know that. But why? Is it a trait one is born with, or is it a product of some other influence(s) in the developing psyche? And what constitutes “too sensitive?”

Generally the phrase has been used to dismiss or downplay my emotions. Rather than show empathy, or help a child to work through emotions/hurts, my parents dismissed my feelings by telling me, “you're too sensitive”, and , “you need to grow a thicker skin”. Essentially teaching me that I didn't have a right to feel what I felt. That there was something wrong with me.

“You're too sensitive” was uttered with a tone of disdain. It was used to repudiate my hurt feelings, no matter what the cause. But even worse is when people say “you're too sensitive” as an excuse for uttering cruel, callous, or condescending comments. Or when they make a joke at my expense or deliberately say or do something to embarrass or humiliate me. And because I'm sensitive, I do take it personally and get emotionally overwhelmed. As a child I would cry (and often be admonished for doing so). As an adult I shutdown (& cry in private).

I know I'm sensitive. Television commercials can make me cry, as can most RomComs. The Budweiser Clydesdale commercials kill me. Heck, I even cried when Dino left home on the Flintstones! But why am I so sensitive? Is it nature or nurture? And is it a 'character flaw' as I've been led to believe. How sensitive is the right amount of sensitive and what constitutes “too sensitive”?