May 14, 2020

It's been a rough day. Woke up weepy and easily triggered to tears. I'm not sure why. It's a dull, overcast day so I know that's a contributor to my weepy mood. Shortly after I woke up, and before I got up, I saw a doctor on tv talking about covid 19 and outlining three possible 'second wave' scenarios, and his opinion was that it will be two years before we get through this. Two Years!! I already feel like I have very little life left. I can't afford to lose two years. This sent me into a downward spiral. I already battle the feelings of *you're too old > it's too late *.   If I'm too old and it's too late now, what hope is there for two years from now.

I talked to Sean today and I can't remember what we talked about. {sigh} My brain is a fog. It'll probably come back to me .... I hope. It's just been a very long emotional day. I went into Hagersville to Foodland and had a meltdown in the car in the parking lot when I came out of the store. Why? Because I needed water and was only allowed to purchase one bottle. At the checkout I asked if I could buy two bottles of water and the cashier said there was a limit of one per customer. I was puzzled and commented to her that just yesterday I saw a lady buy four bottles of water. She just shrugged and said, “shouldn't have”. It was all I could do not to burst into tears. But as soon as I got to my car I could no longer hold the tears back. It's not like the water was lacking in supplies. There were four full shelves of water. And it's not a high volume sales item, not even during this pandemic. Only being allowed to purchase one bottle of water meant that I had to drive to ANOTHER TOWN to get a 15 litre bottle of water.

I'm so fed up with all of this. I'm tired of having to go to multiple stores, oftentimes in different towns, just to get necessities . Can't get enough of anything in one place. And not because of shortages ..... but because of limits. Meanwhile they say stay home > only go out once a week or less often to get groceries and household supplies/pet foods etc. How is that possible when you can't buy a weeks worth of supplies??

I nodded off after supper and when I woke up I thought it was morning. Bit of a shock to realize it was still today. It feels like it's been a really really long day . And now I'm agitated and can't settle.