Life Changes

When Dad was going into the retirement home and then hospital , waiting for long term care placement, it was so overwhelmingly sad because it meant he was never coming home again. He hadn't died. But he was never coming home again. I felt a huge sense of loss and grief . It signalled the end of life as we knew it.

Having A Really Hard Day

I couldn't sleep last night so I sat up surfing youtube and listening to music. I came across Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman singing Time To Say Goodbye (from the Phantom Of The Opera score). I'm having a really hard time today. Crying and feeling a sense of profound sadness. That song has triggered so much emotion and I can't get it out of my head. It made me think of a song you might play at a funeral, which got me thinking about my dad and maybe it's time to start thinking about burying his ashes ...... time to say good bye. Maybe still having them means I can't let go.

Perhaps this applies to my past as well. Time to say good bye to the past. And I'm feeling such a sense of loss and isolation and confusion. Why would saying good bye to my past make me sad? Isn't moving past it what I want? Isn't that the path to being happy? Or maybe it's just the emotion of the music itself that has triggered my melancholy. It's hard to describe but I don't just hear music, I feel it. It can be emotionally draining. Of course it's possible that I'm just tired today, having been awake until 5am