Apathy

Why does depression cause such apathy and how do we break free from it? I feel like I want to do a lot of things but can't find the 'get up and go' to actually do them. I have ideas for things that I want to do/create, but can't seem to get those ideas out of my head and into reality. I feel like I'm losing interest in everything ..... no motivation. Things just feel overwhelming, like I just can't face anything .... like I just can't be bothered.

S.M.A.R.T

Spoke with Sean today. I'm having having a rough day. Woke up feeling weepy and tired and cranky. Anxiety was high .... could feel/hear my heart thumping in my ears, and felt shaky. I can't find anything that makes me feel 'good'. And the imposed isolation of the pandemic is taking its toll. It's a blustery overcast day as well so that is also dampening my mood.

We spoke about goals and I realize I don't have any. It's that apathy I spoke about. So I guess my goal needs to be to identify a goal. Sean asked if I had the energy and motivation, what would I want to do ...... my response: I don't know. I know what 'needs' to be done. There's a long list of chores that 'need' to be done. But Sean said to think about what I might 'want' to do as opposed to what 'needs' to be done. Because the things that need to be done are things that I feel I need to do, not 'for me', but for other people . I need to fix up my house in case anything happens and I need someone to come into the house if I get sick; I need to fix up the outside property so that it looks better so that it is presentable if anyone comes on the property OR if I decide at some point that I want the property appraised; I need to rearrange the kennel room for the dogs; I need to work on the barn. But what would I do if I was choosing something just for me ... to make me happy? Well during this covid isolation I can't think of a single thing that I can do by myself. In normal times I might go back to the notion of learning how to horseback ride. But that is not possible now due to the covid restrictions. So here I sit .... alone ..... isolated ..... what can I possibly do to feel happy? I haven't a clue.

Sean asked if I'd heard of 'smart' goals. S.M.A.R.T is an acronym for goal building.

• S = Specific. The goal has to be specific , not vague. So to say my goal is to be happy would be vague. Specific would refer to a behaviour. So maybe it would be “ my goal is to do _______ as a step towards happiness”
• M = Measurable. You need to be able to measure your progress. Can you quantify your progress. Are you achieving the steps to that goal
• A = Attainable. The goal has to be something we can actually work on and realistically achieve. So for example ..... no I'm not going to become a rocket scientist .
• R = Relevent. The goal has to be relevent . To yourself > not to others
• T = Time. Be realistic about how much time it might take to achieve the goal.

Lots to think about.